


What If We Had Never Met

by litralleephantrash



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Break Up, But for now it's rather sad, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, I wanted to write fluff but I failed, If I continue this it will have a happy end, M/M, angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2015-12-13
Packaged: 2018-05-06 09:56:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5412485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/litralleephantrash/pseuds/litralleephantrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You know what, Phil, tweeting you back in 2009 was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made in my entire life!"</p><p>Dan wishes he'd never met Phil in the first place, but what if he had actually never met Phil?</p>
            </blockquote>





	What If We Had Never Met

**Author's Note:**

> Please be nice I'm neither a native speaker nor did I have a beta. I hope you enjoy.
> 
> PS: I wanted to write something fluffy, but this is what happened. Well done me, that's how dark and twisty I am.

„You know what, Phil, tweeting you back in 2009 was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made in my entire life! You don’t get me. You don’t want to! And i should have known, I never should have trusted you, but I was blind or ignorant or whatever. Oh god, I regret I’ve ever contacted you. We’re done! I’m done!“ Dan stormed out of the apartment taking his already packed bags with him, leaving a devastated Phil in ~~their living room~~. Or what used to be _their_ living room. Phil was now standing in _his_ living room all by himself, trying to not to fall apart, not to lose his mind, not break.

Dan had no idea where he was headed to, he only knew that he had to get away from Phil. The closer he was to Phil the more he felt like there was no air for him to breathe, like the ground was breaking away right beneath his feet and he’d felt like he could lose his stand at any moment. Well he had and now he was trying to grab a branch, anything really, to save him from falling into that black hole that was pulling him closer and closer. He needed to get as far away from Phil as possible, so he just walked, having no direction in particular.

When he’d walked around for about an hour he realized that just leaving ~~their area~~ the area Phil lived in wouldn’t be enough, he had to get out of London, so he took a train to Brighton and called a hotel he’d stayed in before to ask if they had a room for him. Luckily they did, and Dan wouldn’t have to call one of his friends to ask if he could stay with them. There would have been too much explaining to do.

On the way from the train station to the hotel, Dan got some alcohol and some sleeping pills. He might need either of them or both in order to keep his sanity.

Dan sat down in the chair by the window and turned on the TV, he didn’t really care about the program he just tried to escape the painful, screaming silence. From his window Dan could watch the sea. He’d always found that being by the sea had something calming to it, it had always made him feel content, happy even for no particular reason. But today the sea rough, unresting, there was nothing harmonic or peaceful to be found it its features. Tonight looking at the sea filled him with anger and with a terrible, deep, all-consuming sadness. He opened the bottle of vodka he’d bought earlier and the the burning of the liquid on his throat overshadowed his thoughts and feelings for a brief period of time, but then vanished within seconds.

The truth was, Philip Michael Lester was the best thing that had ever happened to him in his entire life. Contacting his idol Phil on twitter in 2009 was one of the very few things in his life he did never regret. In an ideal world, Dan would have confessed his love to Phil that very first time they’d ever met. In an ideal world Dan and Phil would be happy relationship, living together in a flat in London, doing what they both love and chasing all the bigger and smaller dreams in life. In an ideal world Dan would not be afraid let alone dependent on the judgement and approval of others. But this was not an ideal world and Dan and Phil were not in a happy relationship. Dan had never confessed his feelings for Phil, he’d buried them deep down inside his heart, building wall after wall after wall around them to make sure they’d never see the light of day. Because in this world he’d missed his chance and because in this world he was afraid of being judged, afraid of being categorized and in the end afraid of being himself. So instead of being with the man he loved he had chosen to hate Phil for putting him into this misery and make Phil hate him in return. He pretended for so long that his life would be so much better if he had never met Phil and this afternoon in during their fight he'd finally believed it.

**Author's Note:**

> Did you like this? Should I continue?
> 
> Please tell me your opinions and leave kudos if you did enjoy! I hope all of you have a wonderful day!


End file.
